"They screwed her," Carolina says slowly. "They shot her ego down and made her believe it was her fault." Fuck. Of course.
"South was the easier— variable, yeah? They knew her background, her psych-profile. They knew she'd feel the lack of AI harder than North would. I mean, right? They chose her specifically to press the buttons they already knew existed... And—" the word, elongated by realization. "If North finds out it wasn't totally her fault— yeah, I see how that creates a problem."
She presses a forefinger and thumb to her closed eyelids. "I just don't get why. Why alienate twins and turn them against each other? What purpose does that have scientifically?"
For so long she's put her utmost faith in the Project— her father's life-work— to a point where unraveling it, then and now, turns Carolina's head around one-hundred and eighty degrees.
CT watches her process it with her own expression pinched tight, the kind of look that betrays a simmering anger of her own trapped behind it. To know this has filled her with a righteous rage since the first time she found the logs, and yet until now she could never tell a damn soul because warning the twins would just play her hand and get her killed.
"I don't know," she says, with a loose, defeated shrug. "Psychological experiments like that are completely outside the remit of the program even if they weren't also highly unethical, but things being outside the remit of the program never did stop them, did it? Probably they just saw the twins as— a unique opportunity to seek some sick, psychological insight. Especially with someone as reactive as South dropped right into their lap. But then I think about how every squad had its own set of twins, and..."
It starts to look a lot more coordinated, rather than purely opportunistic. Not that she can truly prove it—she wasn't at the program long enough to see both Beta twins get AI, was she?
She sighs. "They need to know. They both deserve to know, I've wished I could've told South since the day I found out, but I couldn't then, and I can't now. Not without making the situation worse before it can get any better."
She wants— fuck, she doesn't know what she wants. Wants to get up, pace around the room, feel her knees flex— wants to curl her hand into a fist and fling it where it doesn't belong; crack, flake, split the drywall— wants to shoot the Counselor wherever he's standing, right now; face gored, glass painted a disgusting sanguine. Who's to blame for this? Whose idea? His, or the Director's? How the hell did you not see?
"It's bullshit," she snarls pointlessly. "It doesn't make any sense. What insight is there that we don't already know? That people crack under pressure? That— that when you kick someone when they're down- when you keep kicking them over and over again- they perform worse? Hate themselves more? Of course we know that. Years worth of time and energy just for them to point to the sky and say it's blue—"
She's up now, crossing the distance between sofa and staircase, circling back. Questions with no real answer. No answer Connecticut can give— and nothing she'll ever rend out of the Counselor or Director's mouths. But she'll try. She'll goddamn try, with metal pliers and all.
She passes fingers through her bangs, palm to forehead.
"I wouldn't count on things getting better very quickly. South's..." she rolls her lips inward, thinks through her words. "...Struggling. Really struggling. And I'm trying. With the right encouragement, I know she'll pull it together, but. Well. You know her better than I do." A beat. "I didn't know it was this bad."
CT stays comparatively stock-still, sat there watching the frustrated energy burst out of Carolina in a rush of aimless motion. Sometimes she wishes she were as prone to physical reaction as the other women of Alpha Squad have always seemed to be—though South most of all, of course.
"There's no way you could've known. Even I couldn't prove anything until I found it in writing, and I was the one she actually talked to me about what she felt was happening. And even then, she didn't seem to really... believe herself? She was always so determined to fix it. To earn her way back."
It never worked, it never could have worked, but she tried. Right up until the day CT left, she remembers how stubbornly South tried, no matter how much it left her feeling worse at the end of the day for the lack of return.
She sighs. "...so, no, I'm not surprised she's doing badly. She's— a lot more sensitive than she'd like people to know, which I'm sure you've seen by now. She feels everything with the strength of a damn atom bomb and sometimes it catches other people in the blast radius. I'm surprised she even came to you for help."
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no subject
Date: 2026-01-02 07:59 pm (UTC)"They screwed her," Carolina says slowly. "They shot her ego down and made her believe it was her fault." Fuck. Of course.
"South was the easier— variable, yeah? They knew her background, her psych-profile. They knew she'd feel the lack of AI harder than North would. I mean, right? They chose her specifically to press the buttons they already knew existed... And—" the word, elongated by realization. "If North finds out it wasn't totally her fault— yeah, I see how that creates a problem."
She presses a forefinger and thumb to her closed eyelids. "I just don't get why. Why alienate twins and turn them against each other? What purpose does that have scientifically?"
For so long she's put her utmost faith in the Project— her father's life-work— to a point where unraveling it, then and now, turns Carolina's head around one-hundred and eighty degrees.
no subject
Date: 2026-01-02 08:22 pm (UTC)CT watches her process it with her own expression pinched tight, the kind of look that betrays a simmering anger of her own trapped behind it. To know this has filled her with a righteous rage since the first time she found the logs, and yet until now she could never tell a damn soul because warning the twins would just play her hand and get her killed.
"I don't know," she says, with a loose, defeated shrug. "Psychological experiments like that are completely outside the remit of the program even if they weren't also highly unethical, but things being outside the remit of the program never did stop them, did it? Probably they just saw the twins as— a unique opportunity to seek some sick, psychological insight. Especially with someone as reactive as South dropped right into their lap. But then I think about how every squad had its own set of twins, and..."
It starts to look a lot more coordinated, rather than purely opportunistic. Not that she can truly prove it—she wasn't at the program long enough to see both Beta twins get AI, was she?
She sighs. "They need to know. They both deserve to know, I've wished I could've told South since the day I found out, but I couldn't then, and I can't now. Not without making the situation worse before it can get any better."
no subject
Date: 2026-01-13 08:44 pm (UTC)"This is bullshit."
She wants— fuck, she doesn't know what she wants. Wants to get up, pace around the room, feel her knees flex— wants to curl her hand into a fist and fling it where it doesn't belong; crack, flake, split the drywall— wants to shoot the Counselor wherever he's standing, right now; face gored, glass painted a disgusting sanguine. Who's to blame for this? Whose idea? His, or the Director's? How the hell did you not see?
"It's bullshit," she snarls pointlessly. "It doesn't make any sense. What insight is there that we don't already know? That people crack under pressure? That— that when you kick someone when they're down- when you keep kicking them over and over again- they perform worse? Hate themselves more? Of course we know that. Years worth of time and energy just for them to point to the sky and say it's blue—"
She's up now, crossing the distance between sofa and staircase, circling back. Questions with no real answer. No answer Connecticut can give— and nothing she'll ever rend out of the Counselor or Director's mouths. But she'll try. She'll goddamn try, with metal pliers and all.
She passes fingers through her bangs, palm to forehead.
"I wouldn't count on things getting better very quickly. South's..." she rolls her lips inward, thinks through her words. "...Struggling. Really struggling. And I'm trying. With the right encouragement, I know she'll pull it together, but. Well. You know her better than I do." A beat. "I didn't know it was this bad."
Another beat. Longer.
"I had no idea."
no subject
Date: 2026-01-13 09:21 pm (UTC)CT stays comparatively stock-still, sat there watching the frustrated energy burst out of Carolina in a rush of aimless motion. Sometimes she wishes she were as prone to physical reaction as the other women of Alpha Squad have always seemed to be—though South most of all, of course.
"There's no way you could've known. Even I couldn't prove anything until I found it in writing, and I was the one she actually talked to me about what she felt was happening. And even then, she didn't seem to really... believe herself? She was always so determined to fix it. To earn her way back."
It never worked, it never could have worked, but she tried. Right up until the day CT left, she remembers how stubbornly South tried, no matter how much it left her feeling worse at the end of the day for the lack of return.
She sighs. "...so, no, I'm not surprised she's doing badly. She's— a lot more sensitive than she'd like people to know, which I'm sure you've seen by now. She feels everything with the strength of a damn atom bomb and sometimes it catches other people in the blast radius. I'm surprised she even came to you for help."